Results Driven Detail Oriented Self Starting Team Player

By Bob Deakin

Okay. Another cover letter. Enough beating around the bush. Let’s write what the bots want to read. 

Dear Corporation.com HR Generalist.

I am the results driven detail oriented self starting team player that you're looking for. I thrive on delivering an unparalleled experience to the customer, client, and teammate. That’s me. Did I mention I’m also a self-starter and customer-centric? I’m multifaceted and proactive too, but you’ll see that on my LinkedIn page. 

Also, notice I didn’t use the term ‘employee’ because I'm a team player. I’m all about team and results. I leave my self at home. That’s not to say I don’t bring my own individual talents. I do, but it’s a contribution to your positive culture. 

Introductory keyword stuffing: ✔

Skill Sets

What I do have are a very particular set of skills that I have acquired over a long career. It’s not that long, however, as I possess a youthful energy and desire to grow with your winning team. I have the skill sets and experience to drive results and revenue, and I’m thrilled to apply for this entry level position.

I flourish working closely with technology, customer satisfaction, public and human relations, and all company teams, human and artificial. My core competencies include SaaS marketing, churn rate reduction, consumer engagement, culture building and silo dissolution.

Have I mentioned ‘culture’ enough?

Core Competencies

Let me break down my skill sets in one sentence: I am a results driven professional who thrives on delivering omnichannel benefits to end-users and stakeholders. 

Rest assured, I build powerful connections across all platforms to uncover growth opportunities while ensuring strategic alignment. I am as comfortable with the marketing tech team, obsessing over game-changing data collection and analysis, as I am with the warehouse manager, brainstorming customer fulfillment.

I am technology-centric and laser-focused on brand engagement through ABM, AWS, KPI, ROI, POS, SEM, SEO, SME and SWOT. My DNA fosters a spirit of positivity manifestation through content marketing one-on-one, B2B, online, in-person, and in the cloud. 

I used ‘omnichannel’ and ‘stakeholder’: Good. I still need to use ‘bandwidth.’

I’m Everything Your Sourcing Technology Wants Me To Be

Click here to schedule a meeting. I’m every keyword you’re looking for. During our interview, I will make eye contact that would inspire any corporate vice-president, no matter how many you have on your payroll.

Thank you for your consideration,

Results Driven Detail Oriented Self Starter

Let’s take a look at the job post one more time to remind myself what they’re looking for:

“In this role, you will be optimizing our marketing strategies, as well as spearheading our lead-generation efforts through dynamic and strategic social media campaigns.”

I fell asleep five words in. Is this what I want? Sending my life to a robot? Convincing it what I can do? I’m gifted and special. However, I’m applicant 247 to the HR team.

Pick Me For Your Team

Do I want to be on a team? Sure I do; a team that wants me. Do I want to be on a team that wants the ‘Results Driven Goal Oriented Dynamo That Completes Your Team?’ 

No, but what’s the starting salary?

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