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Reserved Parking: Suspicious People Only

What are they doing in there? We’re all used to seeing parked cars everywhere, but remember when they used to be unoccupied?

I’m starting to forget. In the course of my week, like most people, I make frequent stops at stores, parks, and parking lots of all types. Maybe it’s a heightened awareness in my maturity, but it seems now that most cars in parking lots are occupied and usually running.

When did this become a thing? Was it the advent of smartphones? That is a contributing factor, but people spend a lot of time in their parked cars these days. Not that there’s anything wrong with this phenomenon, but I notice it every day, wherever a car can fit.

What are they all doing? Personally, I get impatient sitting in a car if it’s not moving. Maintaining a comfortable temperature is challenging, and I feel like a peeping Tom. Not sure who Tom is, but I don’t want to be associated with him.

When I was young, if you sat in a car in a parking lot, the police were sure to roll up and hassle you in a matter of minutes. Guaranteed. They figured you were having sex or doing drugs. No matter if you were by yourself or with someone else.

If you were playing loud music on top of that, they just asked you to step out of the car and cuffed you.

Nowadays, it’s as if you’re supposed to hang out suspiciously in parking lots. You’re also expected to smoke pot, even if it isn’t legal in your state. We all see it. The tinted windows, quietly running engine, silhouette in the glass, and the mystery of their intentions all add up to no good.

These mystery souls are likely just looking at their phones or having a very important conversation with someone. Whatever they’re doing, that much time spent in a car makes for a dirty, smelly car, and their friends - if they have any outside of cyberspace - will surely be put off by it.

What are you all doing in your cars? Are you not welcome in your homes?

FYI, you look suspicious, and I get the feeling you are spying on me and everyone else in one way or another. Heaven help all the women who pass by these cars. They must be creeped out more than me. The only reason the car stalkers are looking at me is to wait until I’m gone so they can steal my catalytic converter.

It’s fine if you all want to live your clandestine lives from behind your steering wheel in a parked car. Just use some air fresheners and go home once in a while. Someone’s probably waiting for you. You’re texting them as we speak. Make sure you bring the weed.


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