Pickleball Is the New Racquetball

By Bob Deakin

Do you remember playing racquetball ball in the 1980s? Neither do I. I hear the sport still exists, but to this day I’ve never seen a racquetball court in person. Pickleball is the new racquetball. It’s easier to find and easier to spell.

Racquetball used to be a thing with guys in their 20s and 30s (with headbands). In high school I worked at a restaurant and that’s the first time I ever heard of racquetball. It was a social (kiss-ass) thing for the waiters to play it with one of the managers or owners, then tell everybody about it. 

They did the same with cocaine but couldn’t brag about it as openly.

REO Speedwagon on the boombox

Lil Wayne or Drake on the bluetooth speaker

Nautilus Resistance Training Then Racquetball

Like racquetball, I have yet to see a pickleball court, although I know where to find them. Its popularity exceeds that of racquetball, as you can play it on a tennis or basketball court. There is only one place to play racquetball, and that is on a racquetball court with odd-sized walls on all sides (often plexiglass) built by guys who did coke with the waiters.

The only racquetball courts I’ve ever seen were in 80s movies. Always the same scene: two guys, one is a boss of something and the other struggling with some problem. They hash out details as the game gets more intense until one of them smashes his racquet and storms off the court.

I'm happy pickleball is popular. People of all ages can play, and if they like it, get a workout and socialize, that's fantastic. I even know a couple ladies who like to play Friday nights after a couple glasses of wine. 

That’s Def, Man

I saw an ad yesterday to invest in pickleball facilities. RED FLAG. That’s it. That is the precise moment of the end of the innocence. Once people start building expensive courts to play an odd sport, no one wants to play anymore. It’s like when old people start using young people slang terms, or your mother joins Facebook. Party’s over. 

So if you see an ad to invest in pickleball facilities, remember you read it here first. The 80s, like racquetball, are long gone. No one does nautilus anymore, U2 has nothing left to complain about and Phil Collins stopped yelling at us.

Personally, I prefer the less refined game of cucumber ball, but I’m a purist. Go out and play pickleball and have a blast. Just don’t go investing in it. Play racquetball too if you can find a court that hasn’t been converted into an auto parts store or dollar store. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

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