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Eternals: Is That Angelina Jolie?

Updated: Jan 30, 2022

By Bob Deakin

I saw the Eternals film today at a nice little Regal Theater. We got there early, plenty of popcorn and enjoyed the wide, soft, reclining seats with four feet in front so you can't touch the person in the next row.

I'm pleasantly surprised you can find this at a big chain theater. I didn't see seats this nice at venues when I was a kid, or living in New York or anywhere. Is this the wave of the future for movie-goers?

It's nice someone cares about the experience, even if it did cost $50 for three of us, one huge bucket of popcorn and an extra-large slushy. Who cares. I’ll pay for the luxury.

The film was well done, the scenery spectacular and the special effects, of course, amazing. It is the 26th film of the Marvel Cinematic Universe (thank you IMDB), directed by Chloé Zhao, produced by Marvel, and distributed by Disney.

The story centers around the ten Eternals, who are sent to earth from another planet in 5000 BC to fight off the aptly-named Deviants, also aliens. The Eternals accomplish their task, but it takes 6,521 years to finish off the last of the Deviants.

I'm impressed that none of the Eternals complains that the war took too long, but they aren't human, and they live forever, so apparently it doesn’t seem that long.

The war ends in 1521 and the Eternals chill for the next 500 years and adapt as humans in disguise. They have relationships, get married, work out, develop a keen eye for fashion and are experts at brooding. They have good days and bad, and all but one, Ikaris, are genuinely nice people even though they are aliens.

Those Deviants are an impatient lot though. They can't go 500 years leaving well enough alone and decide to return in 2021. Guess what Eternals? Time to tune up the fire-shooting eyes.

They do, and have not lost a step in 500 years. Angelina Jolie and Salma Hayek look incredible for timeless aliens, and they’ve got fighting skills too.

The Eternals eventually get the best of the Deviants again, but it takes only a couple days this time. The rest did them well.

Ikaris turns out to be a traitor but Eternal Sersi - also his former girlfriend - finally stops pouting and comes back to make him feel so guilty he flies into the sun. It gives her a breather then she saves the planet.

Lots of volcanoes, tidal waves, fire, glowing white eyes, and some great athletic fighting and flying. All these dudes on both sides are impossible to take down. So many CGI effects the distinction between humans and artificial images has been eliminated.

Is Angelina Jolie doing her own stunts? I don't think so. She doesn't look athletic, and I can't figure out what her character's purpose is, but she's beautiful and appears in all the trailers so she must be doing something.

Side note, at no time in history do the Eternals get any help from humans; weapons, money, embargos, political assistance. Nor are these wars spoken of, or any songs written about them.

It's a Marvel film so if you are going to see it, stay after the credits for a teaser. We see a cameo from a superstar who is going to be in the next one. I'm not telling you his name. You'll figure it out soon enough.

It ends at two and a half hours and I’m still not sure what I watched. I know the good aliens fought the bad aliens and for some reason they came to earth to fight. It was beautifully shot, the sound was great, and kids get it. What's wrong with that?

Am I looking forward to sequel? Get back to me in 6,500 years.



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